call it what you wanna call it, I'm an alcoholic

Jeez-o-peez-o,
I have been sooo off track this summer. I was blessed with a week of solitude out in the woods just past Heber. It was incredible to spend some time with the Lord on his turf, enjoying his creation how he intended us to. I got to climb rocks, explore mountains, chase animals, and breathe in His clarity. I finally realized how short I've been falling. I've been doing things my way rather than His way in certain aspects of my life. I thank God for showing me my faults with a rod and staff (Psalm 23:4). I don't always do these things on a conscious level but I sure do fall into the old addict mentality of justification and rationalization.


A little side note for you.
Hi, I'm Blake, I'm an alcoholic.
Boom just like that, I know it, people who have known me for a while know it. The only people that seem to struggle with it is the people who want to drink with me. I was fortunate enough to lose my job (one of many), cheat on a girl I care so deeply about and lose her for good, and destroy the majority of my personal relationships outside of my closest friends and family. I say thankful because at nineteen, before I could legally even drink I hit my personal rock bottom and started following His plans instead of my own (which had got me to where I was). I finally swallowed my pride and went to AA for the first time. Yes it is just like on TV, no I don't think you're an alcoholic; only you can decide that, yes it works if you work it. Any more questions? AA can quite aptly be described as "A Sunny Place for Shady People"; trust me, I know. Alcoholism, as well as addiction, is a disease which can only be truly cured by a spiritual transformation by God Himself. Once again; trust me, I know. Before I got sober my life was in a personal hell, I ran from place to place, free loaded person to person, and lived bottle to bottle. It's hard to put into words how alcohol make me feel, even thinking about it now. So I'm going to throw some experiences and thoughts that run through an alcoholics mind out there in a Bill Engville "here's your sign" sort of fashion.


1) If you've ever decided to use the last of your change to buy whiskey instead of gas- you might be an alcoholic
2) If you ever got so drunk before taking a roadtrip home(by yourself) that you drove to Mesa instead of Show Low- you might be an alcoholic
3) If you've ever had to call your girlfriend crying your eyes out whiskey drunk to ask her "how do I get my keys out of my ignition?"- you might be an alcoholic
4) If you ever had to pray, please God, we f---ed up, don't let us get a DUI- you might be an alcoholic(and you better thank God every waking moment that He's into fixing the broken, healing the sick, and helping the spiritually blind to see)
5) If you EVER have had to make rules or set limits on when it is okay and when it is not okay to drink or use- you might be an alcoholic and I suggest you strongly think about getting help. It only gets worse, trust me.


Now, just to clarify, I'm a dry drunk. For those of you who don't know what that means; I'm an alcoholic, I just don't drink. I still catch myself in these loops of justifying and rationalizing the things I do. Not that I'm some psycho-serial-killer-baby-napping-bank-robber, but I have these fleeting thoughts from my past. Steal this, sleep with her, drink this, pop that, I wonder if that would mess me up. That sort of stuff, things I like to think that most people don't have pass through their heads. Before anyone rushes to judgment, I am who I am, I don't do these things anymore, and we all have our demons and burdens to bear. I personally am thankful for the terrible things I have done (while sorrowful at the same time) because it allows me to be more humble in the sight of God, to relate to the fallen, and to think of myself as worse off than you. I'm encouraged by the words of Paul in 1 Timothy 1:15- "..Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."
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We should all think of ourselves as the worst, in doing so we are helping to spare judgment towards others and ourselves of the righteous judgment of God


We should all be sure to remember the words of Jesus and to live them every moment of every day
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Matt. 7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."
This doesn't mean you have to condone someone's activity, just don't hate on them for it or talk bad about them.And if it bothers you to the point that you need to confront them do so, have that courage, but be sure to do it out of love. Let them know the ways and commandments of the Lord through LOVE, because all sin is equal in God's eyes. You so much as thinking about lying is just as bad as killing a man. I know that's hard to comprehend until you realize that God is: perfect, holy, and just. Simple as that. All sin tarnishes you in His eyes, which brings us to
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Matt. 7:5 "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye."
Man this one hits home, how often do we sit there an judge some one for the smallest indiscretions while we ignore faults in our own lives! It is so much easier to point out the shortcomings of another than to acknowledge the fact that we're not and never will be perfect. 
Our aim should be to emulate Christ in all our ways. In love, joy, gentleness, mercy, and strength. It will amaze you as it amazes me, how in your walk with the Lord after you get rid of the biggg sin you uncover more you didn't know existed. It could be described as finding a pile of trash that fills your room, first you get the heroin mattress out of there, then the old tires, and so on and so forth. It's the same way with sin, you get rid of the sex, drugs, lies that bog you down. Then you realize the way you judge people, the way you don't treat everyone the same, and you are nowhere near the life of love and peace that has been set forth for you. We are simply vessels being constantly molded by God as He sees fit. Neat huh? 
Back on to judgment, besides the fact that when you judge you are being a hypocrite because you are no where near perfect and that God and only God has the right to judgment; YOU ARE CONDEMNING YOURSELF!
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Matt. 7:2 "For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you."
Woah now, hey, heavy stuff here. Please take a moment to read this and think about what it really means. How you judge others, to whatever extent that is, God judges you by that same measure. Thus in calling a girl a slut or a gossip you are now condemning yourself to judgment by the same measure you judged her. You better be dang sure that you are not as far gone as the one you put down. Bearing in mind that God just doesn't only know your actions, but your words, thoughts, and desires of your heart. He knows how many hairs are on your head (Luke 12:7) and the hearts of all men (Job 42:2, Psalm 44:21, 1 John 3:20). Please, for your own sake, do not judge others, rather love one another. If nothing else; isn't your life complicated enough without worrying about somebody else's?
1 John 4:7 
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"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God.."

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous. 
Do not be frightened, 
and do not be dismayed, 
for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.


Take these words, the literal Word of God from the Holy Bible itself (a compilation of 66 books by 40 authors spanning 1,800 years) which is in fact the love letter from God to you. Cherish it, read it constantly, treasure it, and protect it. It'll change your life. Go forth this week and do not judge anyone but yourself. Live a life of love; sit and talk with someone who is eating alone. Call an old friend and make a new friend. Tell everyone in your life that you love them because every relationship has a last sight; you are not guaranteed tomorrow and neither are they. So be sure that a legacy of love, laughter, and faith.
Find your faults, ask for forgiveness, correct your behavior.
I love you and have a wonderful day.
-Blake